There's been some heated discussion and politics on all fronts lately. So, being myself, I decided to have some fun and lighten up. Here, I describe some new plants that the Department of Transportation could plant in its new median project. Sorry if you've already seen this!
1) Ornamental Paver Bladder-Wort (Canus sprayus maximus, tex-dotii). This specially engineered plant attracts dogs to pee there but when they get close the automatic sprinkler comes on.
2) Giant Venus Trap (touristi tastus goodus). This is a true tropical marvel, which is baited with special stuff from Whataburger. Only problem is, it hardly ever moves!
3) Cretin's Cellphonius (cerebellum lactus). This is a very pretty, low plant with white flowers ... and 20 foot long roots that can snatch a cellphone right out of a car window.