Friday, March 10, 2006

Getting Even with AARP

I received my first AARP letter in the mail today. Yes, that’s the American Association of Retired People. I’m burning it. Heck man, I’m not even 50 yet – that would happen in June.

I remember burning my draft card in 1974 or so. Okay, I waited for the draft lottery to be cancelled by the President and then I burned it but man that felt good. Repeat: I burned my card after the draft stopped! At the time I was “1-H” and ready to be inducted into the Army in Hartford, Connecticut. I was either going to join the Coast Guard Band or hightail it to Nova Scotia before I was “saved by the Lord.” OK, maybe Nixon.

Burn baby burn, it went up in like three seconds and was gone.

And just like the draft, this AARP letter just pisses me off. I mean it is Spring Break time and these folks want to ruin my childish ways by offering cheap insurance and a good RV deal in Schenectady, New York? I want to get down with the college kids and party.

Sure, I moved down here to have a “semi-retired” lifestyle but I’ll probably have to work until I’m 90 to pay off all this debt. But I’m still 17 at heart. So I’m burning the letter on the BBQ after I make dinner, since I don’t want to pollute my excellent meal with such trash.

It will be just like burning that old draft card, only better. Who was that famous movie actress who said “Those bahstids!”?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Look at it this way....great discounts. Everyone gives an AARP discount.

I am with you on the age thing, I am still 22.

~melissa

Everett said...

Hey Sam, My wife and I USED to belong to AARP but after awhile we determined that the letters stood for Association of Ailing and Ripped off People! It ain't all they crack it up to be. I have a real good BC/BS plan that I pay through the nose for but there is no quibbling about the bills being paid. Also I signed up for the medicare Part 'B', (costs about $80 per mo.) And if neither of them would pay, there is a little thing called, "TRICARE for life" It is a benny you get for having spent 20 years playing sailor boy. And yeah, when I was 49-50 and I got my first letter I was incensed also that they had already consigned me to the heap of "elderly". God damn how I hate that word. Elderly is when you have reverted to the first year of life. You know, no teeth, can't walk, always drooling, and some one is constantly changing your 'depends' and wiping your ass!! I'm 67 and haven't gotten to that stage yet!!!