Santa is a witch!

I knew it! Old Saint Nick move over, the real "Santa" is a witch called Befana. See the story here on Spiegel.

I never did trust some fat boy with flying reindeer, anyway, I mean you've got to be kidding. Women know the good kids and the bad kids and do 90 percent of Christmas, anyway. Hey, what's a little broomstick action if they want to get around town, anyway? It's much more believable - and yes, I used to watch Bewitched when I was a kid, too.

Nick, face it, you're getting rather worn out, the North Pole is melting, and nobody's buying much in this stinking Madoff economy. Come on down to South Padre and lose some weight. I betcha Amazing Walter would let the elves stay in his garage workshop until ya get a nice condo thing working.

I know Santa really was and is a woman because my dad used to come home from work in December and ask if the kids were any good that day. Sheesh, mom had the dirt on everybody, all six of us, no fooling that lady! Badda-bing, badda-boom, badda-boop, list them off one after the other. Gosh we were stinkers sometimes, talk about a multiple listing service!

No I'm not saying my mother is Befana, no way. Befana is a real witch in Italy, really nasty and dirty and crooked and sooty with bad teeth and torn rags. Now come on, the job pays about ten Euros an hour so you have to look the part and get into it. But it's a neat story.

And Old Saint Nick, you're always welcome at our beach bungalow, brother. Just no Ho-Ho-Ho around the old lady, OK?