Sunday, July 23, 2006

Voter Lotto!

As usual, the Houston Chronicle Austin Bureau is my source of news-if-the-weird. This time it is whether a voter lottery could be implemented, as is being considered in an Arizona referendum. As most of you know I’m dead set against gambling but with high level politics … all bets are on!

The idea is to get more folks in the voting booth, like with promises of cash pay-outs and stuff. Hey, if the candidates are gambling on an election because they want to win, why not us? By definition, politics IS gambling. Why not expand upon the concept, ratchet it up a notch? Can you imagine the following conversation in a 7-11 convenience store: “Give me two Kinkys, one Bell, a couple Mean Grandmas … oh heck, throw in a Perry just for good measure.”

No more need for complicated nerd polls that we can’t understand. I mean, what’s with all of this plus or minus three percent hooey? In a Lotto there is always a clear winner! The booty gets divided up between the state, the winner, and the candidates, even-Steven. “Today, One Mean Grandma’s campaign chest grew by $189,000 today, thanks to Mr. Maurice Brown of Houston who drew the winning combination and the power ball.”

Open the floodgates, I say, even Internet political gambling. The only thing I’d like to require is for some voter education. Like maybe on the back of those tickets or email receipt you get a picture of the candidate and a short blurb on their “planks.” Yep, those could become collector’s items like Cabbage Head dolls. I can just see one of Kinky, playing his kazoo, with a statement that “If I’m elected, the biscuits will be more plentiful and the buns will be warmer.”

This sure would beat all the shady money donated anonymously by shady people … like those who want casino gambling on South Padre Island.

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