Saturday, March 05, 2005

Iguana of the Porch

I got "Spike" for Lori many years ago, and he lived a long time until a Black Widow spider bit both him and me. Killed ole Spike in two days. Meanwhile, I was on the road in Ann Arbor, Michigan, with the biggest toe you ever saw in your life. After I came back we killed that widder good, nesting right under my chair, it was. Anyway, Lori sorely missed that ole boy 'iggie' and a year later for Christmas I got another green iguana for Lori. Sweetie, a real suuuweeeet gift. A girl, naturally. We know she's a girl because she's laid a dozen eggs or so when whe was hiding. Spike would never do that; he used to chase Lori around the house when she wore anything red. Funniest thing you ever saw. Whoop, whoop, whoop!

To cut to the quick, the new girl iguana needs a porch. In the house we're moving, there's a little porch in front, which is probably where the critter will go for a while. Sure. But there's something strange about this house: it has a second story back door leading to nowhere. Air. Seriously, there's a door and you probably want to keep it locked especially if you sleep walk. It's wide open virgin territory, sailor!

Evidently, at one time there was a really nifty, huge back porch on our property, and it probably rotted out and was carried off and all that is left is a master bedroom door leading to nowhere. Well, that iguana and me is going to change some things. We're going to build a back porch, come hell or high water.

Now this takes some real, manly, red-neck planning, which hopefully doesn't involve drawing a picture - but we'll be glad to pull our Stanley tape rulers out if you insist. The big question to me was whether I should get longer 4X6 posts so a roof could be built over the porch, or short posts to just come up to the railing? I've just seen too many 4X4 posts twist and crack and 'noodle', and I'm not a little concerned about the hurricanes, too. What kind and how long and can I have them delivered without going broke?

When we finally end up on South Padre we will probably be exhausted and nearly out of cash. But I have plans for Sweetie the iguana, a back porch, and a quiet place to hang my hammock that is my own. This is not the iguana of death. This is not an existential iguana. This is the iguana of the darned wooden porch. Good place.

1 comment:

Everett said...

Hey Sam, If you are going to go to all the work of putting footings in for your porch posts, go ahead and get the 20' or so 6x6's. You can always cut them off but it is a booger adding too them! I speak from sad experience. BTW, I just found the link to your blog from the Blockislandblog site. I am SOOOO hurt you didn't leave one on mine. Just kidding. Nice site, I have laughed a lot as far as I have read. Now email me and tell me your last name! It has been driving me and my kids nuts trying to figure out who you are! BTW again, my wife is a Texican by way of Dallas(Grand Prairie,) and Rockport. I guess she turned out to be an Islandophile to! I'll be keeping an eye on your site also. Regards Everett